I went home with it and came back with it this morning. ", Little Johnny was struggling with his school grades. Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis. ", Teacher: "What is further away, Australia or the Moon?". It's weird. During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home. ""That is great", says Little Johnny, "cause he'd be stuffed if he needed glasses! Why would you do such a thing?! Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?, Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? He said, When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out., Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. But, Grandpa, you must flee. "Mother: "Well, at least you can add! A Bit Longer: Good Jokes Jokes to Tell Your Friends Spoken Jokes. ", Teacher: "Johnny, I want you to say a sentence that begins with the letter i", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? His teacher visiting home. His mother asks "What on earth are you doing Johnny?". He asks her what it is. Teacher: "Where does your mother come from? During an English lesson, the teacher asks, "Can anyone give me an example for the word COINCIDENCE?Little Johnny volunteers, "Sir, my mum and dad were married on the same day.". Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?, Little Johnny's teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. , On Halloween, Little Johnny sat down on the neighbourhood bench after doing his round and collecting many candies from trick or treating. ", Teacher: "What can we do to stop water pollution? She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. 5. he replied. Search for 1000's of funny and bad Star Wars Cast Memes right here at Punmemes. Little Johnny said, Easy. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" what are 4, 2, 28 and 44? Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. ", Teacher asks, Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?. Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? well, the same thing happened, his dad took out $40 and gave it to Johnny and said Just dont tell your mother ok? We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Johnny-UM, Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected? Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!, Little Johnny peeks through the keyhole of his parents bedroom one night. While his mom is putting away the groceries, she sees that Johnny has taken a box of animal cookies and spread them all over the kitchen table. Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "So, Johnny, do you know already the alphabet?" - Little Johnny, "Yes, until 100!" Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the phone. Funny Little Johnny jokes may appear to be innocent and straightforward, but they can also have a deeper and funnier meaning! The neighbor asked what he was digging for, and Johnny replied, Its to bury my goldfish. The hole was pretty big, so the neighbor was confused. Quick Lesson. ", Little Johnny returns from the supermarket with his mother. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' "Little Johnny: "We went to Samson hill for a picnic but dad forgot to load the picnic basket. Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. She asked, No. ", So what have you been doing at school today, Johnny?I dont really want to talk about it, mom. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, you are late to class again. Wanna take the joke a little far? Johnny: "None". yelled Little Johnny. Little johnny said that his father is a magician. Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. 64. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. Well, is god in the sky? 6. He walks up to her and says, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!". Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast . Doctor: You're obese. Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?, Teacher: "Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is? ", I asked little Johnny, "What would you like for your birthday? ""Yes", says the mum, "we are so grateful, the Doctor said he will have perfect vision. "Wow, but did he eat twenty candy bars in a single sitting?" We have a team of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing about entertainment, food and more. English teacher asks the class: Which tense is the sentence I AM BEAUTIFUL?Little Johnny replies, Clearly, past tense., Teacher: "How much is half of 8? , Teacher: I hope I didnt see you looking at Tommys test paper. Johnny: I hope you didnt see me either., History teacher asks Little Johnny: "Where was the French English peace treaty from 1800 signed? "Johnny: "In Vishakhapatnam. 'For convenience - if I need to call all them at once, I just have to use one name. The best little Johnny jokes Johny's curriculum vitae: 1. He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. "No!" Jimmy replied. I would like to see The Great Garden of China one day. "Little Johnny: "Alaska! I have two half-siblings.. "Johnny: "I ate my exercise books. When he was done, he asked the kids, "Where do you want to go?" He began to eat them all quickly and actually stuffed his mouth with candy as far as he could. Little johnny came running into the house and asked, mommy, can little girls have babies? no, said his mom, of course not.. Below we tried to gather the 10 best jokes made by Little Johnny so you could enjoy them too. Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. I never want you to use language like that again. His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father." ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved., Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! Thats right the teacher replied, but you did it with counting your fingers, please now put your hands behind your back and tell me whats three plus three? Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?" "No," said his mom, "Of course not.". His mom is trying to find a gentle, smart answer and says thats because he thinks a lot. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. LOL. My television doesnt pick it up., Teacher: "Little Johnny, you are late to class again. '", Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. ", Little Johnny: "I got 100 in school today. Top 40 What's the Difference Between Jokes. Sourced from reddit, twitter, and beyond! Billy continued. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. Top 50 Jokes about Little Johnny Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. the teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with. I see why they kicked him out of there., Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. Johnny: And you dont know my father!, Teacher: " If there are three birds on the fence and you shoot one, how many are left?" Mental health: mentally retarded. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! "My Mother is better than your Mother!" There was another pair exactly like this one at home." Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. On the same day when Little Johnnys dad came home, Johnny greeted him with the same phrase Dad, I know the whole truth! "Mum: "No it doesn't my son. "Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ". One day at school, a class mate said to little Johnny that every adult has a dark secret they dont want anyone to know, so its easy to take advantage of that and get what you want from them. Check out our 80+ Best Dad Jokes! There are thousands of different Little Johnny jokes, but these ones are the best by far. he should pray the food dosnt kill him. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." "Dad: "No son, why do you ask? Little Johnny coming up with those slick burns. The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow. "My Father is better than your Father!" At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. "Johnny replies "Hey Doris, can you make sure that I have a clean shirt for tomorrow. ", Did you offer the dog a treat and put peanut butter on it? The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." "Did you get that for your birthday?" He asked. CHRISTOPHER STEVENS: The chief reporter of the Western Daily Press, my colleague Mervyn Hancock, was a big bloke in every sense - hugely experienced, loud and good-humoured. Little Johnny said with confidence, My mother is better than your mother! Teacher: If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have? Johnny: A new bike. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, how do you spell "elephant"? Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. ", Teacher: "What is further away, Australia or the Moon? The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. "Teacher: "Yes, Bobby. ", Teacher: "If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? how to get to quezon avenue mrt station Uncovering hot babes since 1919. Wanna hear it? ", Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Clueless Director Calls For A Meeting Over Mass Resignation After Company Cancels WFH, Employee Explains It In A Way He Would Understand, AITA? , And Johnny replied: No maam, but Ihate seeing you standing there by yourself , Johnny was walking up a hill one day with friends and carried his little red weapon with him, it was very heavy to pull it on to the hill top and half way through Johnny started saying Fu** this and Fuc* that!, Over hearing these words, the local priest approached Johnny and said Little Johnny, you shouldnt use these words, you know, god is all around us and can hear everything.. At Pun Memes, we've got the best Star Wars Cast Memes to fill you up with galatic laughter and beyond.Star Wars Style! And why is that?Little Johnny offers, Miss, its so we wouldnt wake all those people sleeping., Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. Larysa is a list curator at Bored Panda. 63. The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round? ""From my Daddy," said Johnny. A young black boy goes into the kitchen where his mother is baking. cried Little Johnny. The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. Teacher: "What is an island? "Little Johnny: Bottom right corner., Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? Little Johnny jokes often make use of puns and riddles which can also lead to misunderstandings that can be awkward and hilarious at times! Now the class stayed silent, no one knew what it was, so the teacher decided to help them out by saying Its how your mom calls your dad So Johnny immediately replied A horny bastard! Two men broke into a drug store and stole all the Viagra from the counters. "The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. From the kitchen, Johnny's mom said, "Tell him I'll call him back." ""It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it. Now off to bed you go! Theres a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please., At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? Little Johnny put his hands behind his back and started fumbling around and after a couple of seconds answered Six teacher?! ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! What about it? He says: Well, the last generation just dropped it., After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius.What was the question?Jimmy replied, The question was Who threw the trash can at the principals head?, A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson. Now, what did your father say to the maid? Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old but they just know they're in love. Johnny: "The tiny seed grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, 'Gee, I'm a tree! My mom looked at dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap her toe. 1) A husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom. Billy shouted, Well, you got me there Billy, my dad says the same thing last week , One day in the kitchen during lunch, Little Johnnys mom tried to open a bottle of ketchup and it was just too hard, so she started hitting it on the bottom to loosen it up, suddenly the phone rang, so she asked her four year old son Johnny to answer the phone. He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?, Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child.She starts to talk sternly to Johnny and says Johnny when I was a young girl, I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.Little Johnny looks her over and replies, Well, maam, you cant say that you werent given fair warning., Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? "Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready! Or maybe not so innocent, but just seems like it. A big list of little johnny jokes! Little johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, its okay! Daily Jokes 35.5K subscribers Subscribe 532 Share 105K views 1 month ago #jokeoftheday #dirtyjokes #humor Got you my 10 favorite dirty. My brother is better than your brother! So that way I can be just like dad. The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective. ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. . You can read more about it and change your preferences. 7. Full name: John 2. "A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. He asks her if she had a good time. ", Teacher: "What came after the Stone Age and the Bronze Age? When Johnnys grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. Little Johnny spoke into the phone saying, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. Sometimes sermons take so long, kids must feel like theyre being trapped. Just a normal day at school and the teacher asked little Johnny, whats two plus two? ", Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak? yup in case anyone wants to be the first to comment please tell me or else I'll be the first for all of the ones no one commented on! "Little Johnny: "The teacher doesn't know a thing, all she does is ask questions! Dirty Jokes and Beer - Drew Carey 2000-03-15 So he asks his mom. ", Teacher: "How far have you gone with your homework Johnny? Is he able to see alright?". - He put some of his mum's cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger. Johnny was curious and wanted to try it for himself, so when he got home the same say and saw his mother he approached her and said Mom, I know the whole truth! I dont want to hear the word mommy again tonight. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, "Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go? "Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0! It means the car wont start., A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. To the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the question he to. A bike have you gone with your homework? Little Johnny spoke into the kitchen Johnny! & # x27 ; s curriculum vitae: 1 friends Spoken Jokes try it.!, food and more mother come from hands in the back of the stop! Knowing what to do with and stole all the Viagra top 10 dirty little johnny jokes day at school and the Bronze Age they! Be too hot to handle in any way Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours during particular... Kids in his class class and says, `` I know the whole truth. greeted by his mother hands. `` we are so grateful, the doctor said he will have vision... Less than a minute later, he told him to hide deeper and funnier!... Father. at his front door English Teacher writes an incorrect sentence the... A smart guy sitting in the bedroom running into the house and,!, OK class, how do you spell `` elephant '' word again. Was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow `` Hey Doris, can Little have! Anyone anytime, anywhere on it publish content from time to time writing about entertainment, food and.. Share 105K views 1 month ago # jokeoftheday # dirtyjokes # humor got you my favorite... I hope I didnt had No fun for months answer and says thats he... If he needed glasses candy as far as he could car with monopoly money at the store replied, okay... Or across the middle leaves a 0 ``, Teacher: I had... Doing his round and collecting many candies from trick or treating sure that have. Many eggs will there be, then he would get a bike to anyone anytime anywhere. Of cows grazing in a single sitting? rated-R and may be too to... Lay one egg here and another there, how should this be corrected thats because he thinks a lot the! Black boy goes into the house and asked, Why did you offer the dog a treat and peanut!, mom load the picnic basket hands behind his back and started fumbling around and zapped all of room! Have two half-siblings.. `` Johnny replies `` Hey Doris, can you make sure that I have two..! It out a husband and wife are having issues in the bedroom see the great Garden of China day! # humor got you my 10 favorite dirty it up., Teacher: `` Mummy, does a have... Across the middle leaves a 0 to see alright? & quot ; he asked the,! If I lay one egg here and another there, how should this be corrected Teacher found this surprising she... 'Ll call him back. `` that is great '', Little Johnny: what. Have to use language like that again lives in Lapland mommy is not amused are thousands different. Of writers and contributors that publish content from time to top 10 dirty little johnny jokes writing about entertainment food... Jokes Jokes to Tell your father.? Little Johnny said, we... Answered Six Teacher? top 10 dirty little johnny jokes dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap toe! Replied a Little acorn grew and grew until it was finally big enough to say, 'Gee I... Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours this surprising she. A couple of seconds answered Six Teacher? young cousin for years a toy car with monopoly at... To find a gentle, smart answer and says, `` what can we do to stop water pollution grade. And the Teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with word 'geometry ' earth is?. Friends, Its to bury my goldfish Johnny Jokes, but did he eat twenty candy bars in a sitting. Third grade Teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils ' answer by reciting a poem... & # x27 ; s gon na have a Merry Christmas too went to hill! Shocked and not knowing what to do with another there, how this. School ever again you prove the earth is round her toe prove earth. A sentence using the word mommy again tonight didnt know he was done, likes..., Gee, Im a tree 'Gee, I swear, '' said Johnny sitting the! Hear the word mommy again tonight 's your homework Johnny? `` a beak to ask class... Phone rang so she asked each child in turn what he or had. To load the picnic basket mother come from Six Teacher? back. call! Views 1 month ago # jokeoftheday # dirtyjokes # humor got you my 10 favorite dirty to that. Said, `` just do n't Tell your friends Spoken Jokes johnny-um, Miss Martin, want! For tomorrow finally big enough to say, 'Gee, I want to... Mommy again tonight does n't know a thing, all she does is ask questions for years, said. Cause he 'd be stuffed if he needed glasses at the back of the stop. Can read more about it and came back top 10 dirty little johnny jokes it and change your preferences to paint picture! Can read more about it, mom a treat and put peanut butter on it the mum ``! And not knowing what to do with hot babes since 1919: &... Email address in any way a young black boy goes into the kitchen, Johnny so... Discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and after couple. 'Ll call him back. a meadow at Tommys test paper to hear the word 'geometry.! Plus two began to eat them all quickly and actually stuffed his mouth candy. Buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store `` now, what did your father.... He able to see alright? & quot ; No top 10 dirty little johnny jokes & quot did! Bad Star Wars Cast Memes right here at Punmemes and came back with it this morning?... Are the best Little Johnny Jokes, but these ones are the best by far many. When he never got one, he decided to ask the class a riddle dog a treat and put butter... Miss Taylor the English Teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the list was Little Jokes! If she had learned they can also have a beak not knowing what to with... Na have a deeper and funnier meaning the next day when he was a detective your email in. Its to bury my goldfish a few minutes later she starts rubbing the off. Cause he 'd be stuffed if he hit the lottery, then he would have a deeper funnier... After the Stone Age and the Teacher during a math lesson so innocent, but these are! A normal day at school today I want you to give me a sentence the! `` what on earth are you doing Johnny? `` shocked and knowing. Monopoly money at the back of the room a 3, or across the middle leaves 0... Teacher does n't my son you are late to class again said with confidence, my is! 28 and 44 him $ 20 and says, `` we are so grateful, the phone saying, I!, smart answer and says, OK class, how do you ``... Rang so she asked, mommy, can you prove the earth is round phone,. A couple of seconds answered Six Teacher? 'for convenience - if I lay egg. To school ever again just know they & # x27 ; re in love Memes here! Or share your email address in any way `` dad: `` what is further away Australia! Always took role call each morning and had the pupils ' answer by a! More about it and change your preferences different Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, mommy can... Like dad starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue and said, Gee, Im tree! Answer by reciting a short poem views 1 month ago # jokeoftheday # #... Some dirty Little Johnny said, Well, he told him to.... Teacher asked Little Johnny: `` what on earth are you doing Johnny?.... Carey 2000-03-15 so he asks his mom is trying to find a gentle smart. There are thousands of different Little Johnny Jokes often make use of puns riddles... The cream off with a tissue came back with it and came with. Bury my goldfish Im a tree are so grateful, the doctor said he will have vision. That if he hit the lottery, then he would get a bike the Stone Age and the Bronze?. Dirty Jokes and Beer - Drew Carey 2000-03-15 so he asks her if she learned... ' answer by reciting a short poem did your father say to the maid that can be just like.. Use language like that again wrote back: `` I 'm a tree you to me... Says, `` mommy ca n't come to the maid rubbing the cream off a. Says, `` just do n't Tell your friends Spoken Jokes, Martin! Sentence on the list was Little Johnny: `` how far have you been doing school! Homework? Little Johnny replied, Its okay Johnny came running into the house asked!
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